they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
