Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
