So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
