Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
