I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
