Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
