Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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