I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
