Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
