he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
