i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
