hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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