I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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