I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
