The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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