I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize