There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
