How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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