saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
