From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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