The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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