Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
