i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
