my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
