So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
