My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
