Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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