flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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