Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
