Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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