just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
