in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
