so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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