Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
