so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
