Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
