Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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