Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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