he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
