i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
