yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
