i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
