She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
