Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
