Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
