You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
