you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want her autograph on my taint
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sext me about skeletons
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