cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
