A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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