Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
