Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
