um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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