Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
