Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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